Dirty Blogtini

I know some ruthless beings. They shall remain nameless.

These…fishes roam aimlessly through life, partying all day and night, never thinking about others. They know that they can lean on me and I will always do what I can for them. It is my fault that I am a tiny bit peeved today.

Why do I let them take advantage of me sometimes? I know the answer is that I really care for them and want them to enjoy life – but at what cost to my sanity?

So, against my better judgement, I picked them up after a plea for help and offered my home to stay in. I went so far as to get multicolored room decorations. I thought a nice home would motivate them to take care of themselves.

I was wrong. Almost daily I find the decorations I bought uprooted and thrown around the room. This makes me sad because I try to make things nice and they are just ruthless.

Here is a pic of the room after being messed up.

Haahaha, some just cannot be helped. I guess I will keep arranging the plants for the fish out of love…even though they will just uproot them again tomorrow.

I am the sorry owner of a funk. A bad funk. A funk that is going to make me throw a left hook at an old lady for askin me what time it is. hehe.

I just helped my man friend do his ethics paper so I think I will apply some ethical analysis to this problem.

#1. Identify the central ethical issue

-Is it right for the gods to put me in a funk when I did not ask to be in one?

#2. Research

-According to Google Search, the definition of funk is, “a state of nervous depression.”

#3. Analysis

-The option for resolution is to fall out of the funk by chance. I have never heard of someone truly working though a funk – it just happens. The funk is not fatal but it creates an itch of unhumanness – Like when Andy from The Office was cut off by Pam while singing suite numbers and it created an OCD monster inside him haahahahah! My funk is not that bad. Yet.

#4. Application

-Since I have just deducted that a funk must pass in time, I will just sit back and wait a week til it’s over

Also, I am going to be on a road trip in an hour. Our first stop is a bar 650 miles away. I’m thinkin a little whiskey, maybe a dirty martini, a beer, a shot, maybe 2 shots, maybe a zima, and a glass of wine will heal my soul. I’ll let you know if it works ;0)

Here’s to a Funk Free Friday y’all!

Let’s set up a hypothetical for today’s blog.  Say you lived with someone…and they are less than perfect on the scale of cleanliness.  What do you do?

 “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” for some.  I do not feel closer to God while cleaning the house screaming obscenities in my head about cleaning up after people.  But, that might just be me.

While I think over the ultimate solution to this hypothetical situation, I’ll leave you with this little remix to “I will survive.”  Please sing along

 This glorious song sung by Ms.Gaynor at one time should provide the perfect background to a think session.  Ms. Dirty’s remix is in regular font and borrowed original words are italicized.

First I was so mad,
I was horrified.
This hoe had moved into my house,
And dirtied up my life.

“But I spent so many nights,
thinking how you did me wrong.
I grew strong.
I learned how to carry on.”

Oh, well, hey.
Now you’re home.
You just walked across this new mopped floor,
Tracking dirt up in my place.

“I should have changed my stupid lock.
I should have made you leave your key.
If I had known for just one second,
you’d be back to bother me.”

I need some balls,
To kick her out.
She makes me crazy,
She belongs out on the street.

I think you tried to hurt me – with rotten food attracting flies,
“You think I’d crumble,
You think I’d lay down and die.
Oh no, not I.
I will survive!”
As long as I know how to mop,
I know I’ll stay alive.
I’ve got all my life to clean,
I’ve got all my strength to clean.
“And I’ll survive.
I will survive!”

It takes all the strength I have,  
Not to kick you out.
Kept taking out the trash,
And trying not to pout…

“And I spent oh so many night
Just feeling sorry for myself”
I never cried,
But I thought about getting’ high!

“And you see me,
Somebody new.
I’m not that chained up little person,”
Still doing for you.

And so you felt like making mess,
And just expect me to be clean,
Now I’m saving all my cleaning
For someone who’s paying me!

I need some balls,
To kick her out.
She makes me crazy,
She belongs out on the street.

I think you tried to hurt me – with rotten food attracting flies,
“You think I’d crumble,
You think I’d lay down and die.
Oh no, not I.
I will survive!”
As long as I know how to mop,
I know I’ll stay alive.
I’ve got all my life to clean,
I’ve got all my strength to clean.
“And I’ll survive.
I will survive.
I will survive!”

I had a revelation this morning while getting dressed for work.  This may be the most profound knowledge that I have about fashion.

I suppose I have never tried anything like what I did this morning.  This could have been a total travesty if followed through.  When something like this comes your way in life, you can’t help but think the angels are watching over you.

I will share this wealth of knowledge with you because I wouldn’t want anyone to discover what I did in the middle of a work day or a date. 

Here goes… You cannot wear Capri pants with a ¾ length sweater or shirt.  It just looks like your clothes have shrunk.

Hahahah!  I committed this major crime in the wee hours this morning.  Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or maybe I have NO fashion sense, but at one point I was wearing what looked like the clothes of a 7 year old on my 20 something body. 

 Please remember this for the rest of your days.  It can be prevented.

Setup of the website is coming along great!  While I finish the site here is a funny blurb I have taken from an email I sent my friend.  

Kitty is Tons of Fun

“…[V]ery funny story about your cat!  I haven’t washed mine in years because she has spent the last few years in my mom’s yard LOL.  So now she is twice as wild and B-A-D.  The Last time I took her to the vet she escaped her cage, ran close to the road around the parking lot like a maniac, then jumped inside a car engine.  90 year old grandma volunteer had to pry her out.  Kitty is tons of fun.”

This is kitty after running a muck.  She was super mad, hehe.  Don’t tell her I posted the pic.

Don't escape your cage and maybe you won't be mad...